INTRODUCTION

At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard about the power of positive thinking. Basically, this is a theory that contends if you believe good things will happen to you, there will be some sort of cataclysmic shift in the energies surrounding you which will actually cause good things to happen to you. For as many people who believe in the power of positive thinking, there are many more who believe it’s all a bunch of New Age pop psychology drivel or sugar-coated Peter Pan platitudes.

Here’s the kicker: they’re all right.

You see, positive thinking is a system of beliefs. So if you believe it doesn’t work- then, of course, it won’t work. And if you believe it does work...well, you get the idea. For non-believers, using positive thinking is like trying to get a job after high school. You need experience to get a job, but you need a job to get the experience. It can be difficult to know where you’re supposed to start. But just like any other process, the key to making positive thinking work for you is to start small. Plant seeds, if you will, and then learn how to tend and cultivate those seeds until you have a mental garden that bears a phenomenal crop, year after year. Anything is possible with positive thinking...even if you do believe it’s all a bunch of crap.

Norman Vincent Peale, the father of positive thinking, once said: "If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind." This is the essence of positive thinking. It’s not so much a theory as it is a contagious disease. Just as anger and negativity spread quickly from person to person, so do humor and happiness- only good feelings spread far faster. Think about it: have you ever noticed that the quickest way to ease a tense situation is to make a joke? The instant someone laughs or smiles, a sense of relief spreads through everyone in the vicinity. Even if the angered parties don’t feel better, they are at least able to discuss the problem in a detached and objective way, and get on with their lives instead of dwelling on negativity. For that same reason, solo drivers who get cut off in traffic tend to remain angry for at least the rest of the drive because there is no one else near them to send out good vibrations and break the tension. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you’ve picked up this book and read this far, the seeds of belief are already there. Your next step is to clear your mind’s garden of doubt and get ready to plant. You’ll learn how to take all that negativity and mulch it down into fertilizer that will let your possibilities grow.

Now grab your shovel, and let’s head in to the garden.

The biggest tree in the world grows from a seed you can hold between two fingers.

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t...you’re right."

- Henry Ford

PLANTING YOUR SEEDS

To tune in to the power of positive thinking, you should probably start small- particularly if you don’t believe it will work. It’s one thing to tell yourself, "Tomorrow, when I wake up in the morning I won’t hit snooze a dozen times and feel drowsy for the rest of the day," and quite another to tell yourself, "Tomorrow, when I wake up in the morning I’ll be living independently wealthy and living in a mansion." (Unless, of course, you are in fact independently wealthy and living in a mansion at the moment; in which case you might try to think your way into ownership of a small country.)

The process of making positive thinking work for you begins with destruction, or at least a mild shift in your thought structure. In order to make room for new methods and ideas, you must first tear out all the old negativity patterns you’ve been building throughout your life. For some, this can be a gradual process: as you witness positive thinking work for you, one small step at a time, you will slowly clear out those good-things-only-happen-to-other-people thoughts, and be able to cultivate the seeds of change.

Roots: What’s In Your Garden Now?

What’s holding you back? Even those who fully embrace the theory of positive thinking may feel some qualms over entrusting their lives to mere thought. There are many possibilities that could be producing weeds in your mental garden, and the best way to get rid of a weed is to yank it out, roots and all. In this section we’ll discuss some of the most common stumbling blocks people encounter on the road to positive thinking, as well as how to overcome them and lay the foundation for a healthy life outlook.

Self-Esteem: Catching the I-Love-Me Disease

For most of human existence, self-esteem was an unheard-of notion akin to the theories of those heretics who believed the world was round. The term "self-esteem" - defined by Webster’s Dictionary as "pride in oneself; self-respect" - made its way into the common public awareness during the ‘60s and ‘70s as a catch-all term to describe the essence of parenting problems. The "old ways" of parenting were pronounced barbaric and damaging to the budding self-esteem of our youth, and many parents fearful of raising unhappy, ill-adjusted children took advice that led to a generation of children with high self-esteem...so high it eclipsed personal responsibility and created a "me-first" mentality.

On the other hand, most of us are taught that thinking highly of ourselves is a vain, selfish and undesirable trait. Advice telling us to feel better about ourselves and occasionally put us first seems counterintuitive at best. After all, isn’t self-love the first step on the road to Ego Central? Many people want to feel good about themselves, but guilt too often rears its ugly head and stops healthy self-esteem from developing.

Because of these conflicting viewpoints, self-esteem is a tricky little emotion to manipulate. It’s important to strike a balance between modesty and greed. It takes practice to convince yourself that you are a worthwhile and deserving person, while at the same time keeping in mind that you’re not the center of the universe. Though it may sound impossible, it’s actually simple to accomplish.

Where do you rate on the self-esteem-o-meter? The following quiz will help you gauge your feelings and identify areas that need improvement.

Me-ology: The Self-Esteem Dipstick

To rate your self-esteem, choose the answer that most closely reflects your likely reaction to the following situations:

1. You know you’re good at creating databases. Your boss asks you and several co-workers for a volunteer to organize a new client information database, and another volunteer to write a company newsletter- which you have no idea how to do. You:

A. Volunteer for both, because you’re so brilliant you’ll be able to figure it out - even at the expense of embarrassing the company the first few times you write a terrible newsletter.

B. Volunteer for the database- and when Fred Jones also volunteers, gently point out that you’ve had more experience, but would be happy to teach him what you know as you go along.

C. Remain silent. Someone else is surely better at it than you, and the boss would never pick you anyway.

2. You’re out with friends and you’ve just passed gas noisily in the middle of a restaurant, so you:

A. Immediately blame a passing waiter or someone else at your table. You are completely serious in your accusations, and there’s no way anyone will be able to pin it on you. If they even think about it, you’ll let them have it.

B. Crack a joke about that four-bean salad you had for lunch.

C. Attempt to crawl under the table, then excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. You can’t face any of them for the rest of the night, and you consider paying the entire check right now and leaving before they notice you’re gone- if they notice you’re gone.

3. When you watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit, you:

A. Laugh at the other players when they get the answers wrong. You know them all, and if you ever went on Jeopardy you’d clean them out.

B. Have a blast. You know some of the answers and try to guess at the rest. You love to learn new things.

C. Don’t watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit. You’re not smart enough for stuff like that.

4. You’ve decided to go after that promotion at work. You:

A. Make a bunch of other people look bad so there’s no way you’ll be passed up.

B. Let your boss know you’re interested in the promotion, and then put in some extra effort to prove you’re good for the position.

C. Decide on the drive to work that you’re not going to go for it after all. You won’t get it no matter what you do, so there’s no point in trying.

5. When making a tough decision, you:

A. Choose the option that sounds best for you at the moment, and then stick to your decision no matter what, even if it turns out to be the wrong one.

B. Weigh your options and think about the advantages and disadvantages of each one before deciding on your final choice, but remain open to change if it turns out there is a better way.

C. Decisions? You can’t make decisions. You always pick the wrong thing and wind up making everyone miserable. You’ll get someone else to decide.

6. You’re faced with an entire evening alone. You:

A. Gloat, because you don’t have to spend time in the company of those miserable cretins who think they’re your friends, but can’t hold a candle to your brilliant and sparkling personality. You know they’re all sitting around wishing they could hang with you, anyway.

B. Take the time to do something you enjoy, like take a long bath, read a good book, or fix yourself your favorite dinner. It’s nice to relax once in a while and be alone with your thoughts.

C. Resign yourself to being miserable all night. You might as well go to bed early and hope someone’s around tomorrow.

7. When performing a task that requires your full concentration, you:

A. Don’t. Whatever it is you’re doing, you could do it in your sleep. You don’t have to bother concentrating on things.

B. Are able to tune out most distractions and complete the task to the best of your ability. You are determined to put your best foot forward.

C. Can’t. You’re too nervous about screwing things up to concentrate, so you tend to work on projects in short bursts and often end up finishing things late because you’re so distracted.

8. A friend introduces you to someone new. You:

A. Prove that you’re a better person by saying something witty or clever that lets them know your friend is paying attention to you right now, not them. If the new person is worth knowing, they’ll make the effort to get to know you.

B. Greet him or her warmly, introduce yourself and ask an open-ended question such as "What do you do for a living?" or "Where do you live?" You’re prepared to actually listen to the answer and will reserve judgment until you get to know the person better.

C. Mumble "hello," and then slink off in search of a friend who’s not talking to someone you don’t know. Whoever the new person is, they wouldn’t want to get to know you anyway.

9. You walk in to your house and you’re greeted by an awful stench: the refrigerator is unplugged, and everything in it is spoiled. You:

A. Immediately assume someone was screwing around with it and launch an investigation to find the culprit.

B. First plug it back in to find out if it still works, and then try to figure out what happened. If someone else was responsible for unplugging it, they can help you clean it out. In any case, you’ll do what’s necessary to correct the problem.

C. Decide you must have done something wrong, and now it’s coming back to haunt you. You grumble under your breath as you clean out the refrigerator and wonder why things like this always have to happen to you.

10. Your supervisor calls you into the office to compliment you on the tremendous job you’re doing on your new project. You:

A. Thank him outwardly, all the while thinking it’s about time he noticed how great you are. Maybe now you’ll get the respect you deserve.

B. Are sincerely flattered, and tell him so. You also ask if there is anything you could be doing better.

C. Insist that you’re not really doing all that well, and try to hurry him along so you can escape. You don’t deserve praise.

11. You have to talk to your boss about a recent event that is affecting the way you and your co-workers perform your job. You:

A. Act as though you and your boss are best buddies, and demand that she do something to fix the problem. After all, you could be running the show just as easily as her, and you’d probably do a better job.

B. Approach the matter professionally and with confidence that a solution can be found. You offer any suggestions you might have to correct the problem, and ask if she has any ideas about what should be done.

C. Would never presume to talk to your boss. There’s a reason she is the boss and you’re not. You might send her an anonymous e-mail or ask one of your co-workers to talk to her.

12. This weekend you have a hundred little projects at home that have to be tackled, and you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. You:

A. Attack several things at once, starting with the easiest ones. You might not manage to finish any of them, but you can always insist that someone else pitch in, because you have more important things to do.

B. Decide which projects need to be completed first and take them on one at a time. By taking things step by step, you will finish what needs to be done. If anyone else is available at home, you’ll ask them to help out.

C. Bemoan the unfortunate twist of fate that ruined your weekend. There’s no way you’ll ever be able to finish everything. You don’t ask anyone else for help because they have better things to do than perform favors for you, and you wouldn’t want to be a bother.
 

13. The opportunity arises for you to pursue your dream job, but it would mean leaving your current, stable position right away. You:

A. Drop everything and go for it. Who needs a safety net?

B. Weigh your options, and plan out what you’ll do if the new opportunity falls through. If you have a spouse, you discuss the decision with them and create a backup plan. If it’s possible, you’ll find a way to make it work.

C. Stay right where you are. Why risk disappointment? You just know it won’t work out.

14. You have five minutes to get to an appointment, and you’re stuck in a seemingly endless traffic jam at a dead stop. You:

A. Curse, fume, and honk your horn repeatedly. Don’t these people realize you’re in a hurry?

B. Are frustrated, but you know there isn’t much you can do change the situation. If you have a cell phone, you call to let them know you’re going to be a little late. You use the unexpected time to relax and listen to your favorite radio station, or just to think.

C. Want to die. Things like this always seem to happen to you. It just isn’t fair. You’re so worried about being late you’re feeling sick, and there’s no way you’ll be able to relax until you’re out of this mess.
 

15. A co-worker reviews one of your projects and tells you a few things that aren’t pleasant, but they are valid points. You:

A. Thank him through clenched teeth, but insist that you know what you’re doing. He has a lot of nerve criticizing your work, and his opinions don’t really matter anyway.

B. Are grateful for the opportunity to improve your work. You thank him for his insight and go back over the project with his suggestions in mind before turning it in.

C. Give up. You can’t do anything right. Maybe your co-worker should have been in charge of this project instead of you. You’ll just turn it in and hope you don’t get fired for incompetence.

Gloomy Gus?

Results: Tally up all your A, B, and C answers to find out where you rate on the self-esteem dipstick:

Mostly A:

Put Down That Mirror, Narcissus. Your tank overfloweth. You may not be aware of it, but you have far more confidence than you need. While confidence is a good trait to possess, too much of it can make you appear arrogant, rude or unapproachable. Try to take more notice of others’ feelings, and you’ll get much further.

Or tenacious flower?

Mostly B:

Join the Circus, You Have Perfect Balance. You have a healthy level of self-esteem tempered with empathy and concern for others. You’re probably the life of the party or the person everyone comes to for help, and you’re glad to give it when you can- but you know when you need time for yourself.

Mostly C:

If You Dig Any Deeper You’ll End Up in China. You’re a few quarts low, and you could use a self-esteem top-off. You may think you can’t do anything right, but with a little confidence and some positive thinking, you’ll find you are worth far more than you believe. If you answered C to everything, it’s time for a complete system flush and refill.

The Dark Ages: Childhood Programming and Past Letdowns

The things we learn in childhood aren’t easy to forget- mostly because we don’t actively remember them. It is far harder to dislodge

subconscious thought. When we are unaware not only of why we embrace or avoid certain things, but also unaware of the fact that we are embracing or avoiding them, pinpointing the roots of our actions is a difficult process.

Childhood lessons don’t always come from our parents, and often not even the messages we received from them were intentionally placed there. For example, if you parents raised you to be helpful, courteous, polite, and giving, you may have learned those lessons so well that the very idea of doing something for yourself makes you cringe- and you may not know why. On the other hand, if your parents gave you everything you wanted without you ever asking for it or lifting a finger, you may project those same expectations on everyone around you- again, with no idea why you’re doing it, or even that you are doing it at all. Many times, outwardly selfish people are shocked to discover that others perceive them as selfish. They may even believe themselves the kindest, most benevolent people they know.

Another factor you may not consider when trying to access your childhood programming is the outside influences that affected your formation. Teachers, daycare workers or babysitters, school friends, even random adults in the grocery store may have had an impact on your behaviors and beliefs, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Though it may be impossible to determine all of your childhood influences, you can give yourself a general idea of past events and personalities that shaped your current beliefs and take steps to change them. The following brief exercise will help you get started thinking about your triggers and habits.

1. Starting with your parents, list the names of every person you can recall that you associated with during childhood in a single column down the left-hand side of a sheet of paper. If you don’t know the name of a person, use a brief description such as "the lady at the end of the street with the loud little dog." Include family, friends, teachers, caregivers, neighbors, and anyone else you remember. If you run out of room, tape another piece of paper to the bottom of the first one and keep going down the left-hand side.

2. On the right-hand side of the paper, list all the habits and traits you possess, both good and bad. If you’re feeling brave, ask a friend to help you come up with some of the traits you possess that you might not be aware of. You don’t even have to show anyone your list; you can call them up and tell them you’re getting a head start on your New Year’s resolutions.

3. Now comes the fun part. Try to match each habit or trait with one of the people from the left-hand column, and draw a line to connect them. You may find that some people have several connecting lines, while others have none. Pay close attention to the people who seem to have appeared on your list for no particular reason. If you remember them clearly, they probably influenced your life in some small way.

This exercise is not meant to lay blame on the people in your past for ruining your life. Rather, it is to illustrate that many of your flaws and negative qualities are a result of things you learned as an impressionable child, and therefore can be let go of without guilt. Children see things through a different lens than adults do, and what we learn at an early age can often end up coloring everything we do as grownups. Fortunately, we can learn to let go of those negative tendencies once we view them with the wisdom and rationality we have developed along the way.

Getting Back on the Horse

Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mold we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.

Fortunately, we can chip away at that mold until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice. 

Your own thinking may be "fencing you in"!

Ready for another exercise? Make a list of all the things you’ve tried and stopped doing before completing (remember, you haven’t failed at them- you have simply made a temporary pit stop on the path to success). This list might include diets, resolutions, exercise habits, quitting smoking, or even self-help programs like this one. Leave yourself some space after each item. When you get to the end of the list, go back and fill in those habits you have developed as a consequence of waiting to follow through. For example, if you listed "The Atkins Diet," your habit might be "overindulging on pasta because I didn’t eat any for six months." Some of your habits may be simple to change; others may require deviation from your intended course. In the pasta example, you might realize you can still eat pasta, just not as often as you have been while making up for the loss. Come up with an alternative for each habit that you can live with, so you don’t short yourself before you get started. You might decide to have pasta twice a week instead of every other night.

Now that you have a guide, you can start implementing successful changes one step at a time. Choose one or two habits you’d like to change, and be sure to implement the changes daily for 21 days in a row. It’s helpful to keep a journal or a chart to remind yourself what you’re working on and why. You can also treat yourself to a reward after the successful completion of each habit-breaking cycle. How about a nice, big plate of spaghetti? Go ahead; you’ve earned it!

Step Away from the Panic Button: Conquering Fear

"All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required."

- Dave Barry

Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious levels, and it is one of the most limiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road. However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis. Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.

* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.

One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is exposure therapy, which is actually facing your fears one small step at a time. If you don’t feel you can handle exposure therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn’t fear the same things you do. With exposure therapy, the objective is to experience fear to a small degree several times, so that each time it becomes easier to conquer. (Please note that exposure therapy does not apply to every situation. For example, if you are afraid of flying, it is not recommended that you leap from successively higher perches and attempt to become airborne.)

Here are some ways you can implement exposure therapy for the Big Three fears:

Humiliation

1. • Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you’re feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you’re feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery
   1. store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
   2. • Sing at a karaoke bar. While you’re sober.
   3. • Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good exposure therapy- it’s fun!
   4. • Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that’s speak in public, not humiliate yourself).

 

Rejection

1. • Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
   1. • If you’re single, use an online location service like Classmates.com or PeopleFinder.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you’re married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they’ll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.

   2. • Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren’t rejected, become a writer immediately.

Failure

1. Try to nail Jell-o to a tree.
2. • Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that’s different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
3. • Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
4. Challenge Jeff Gordon to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.

Traumas can be seeds for more pain – or for growth.

*NOTE: Bouncing multiple checks and losing your power, your car, or your house qualifies as major trauma, for which dramatization is not always effective.

The second approach to dramatization and awareness of minor trauma is to research actual cases where the situations of other people turned out worse than yours. You can search online for news stories, or browse the periodicals archive at your local library. Generally, you will always be able to find cases concerning people who had more difficulty than you, yet they survived- and you will too. After all, you’re still alive. If you want to take this method a step further, you can do something to help others in your situation. Make a donation to a specific case or a related charity, or start a support program or fund drive in your community. Taking action, no matter how small, often helps to alleviate the feelings of loss and helplessness associated with trauma.

For Your Eyes Only: Journaling to Release

Keeping a journal or diary is one of humankind’s oldest traditions. The thoughts, feelings and emotions of generations have been preserved through countless pages inscribed with words that are often kept private throughout the life of the writer, and revealed only in the interests of adding to historical record.

For therapeutic purposes, sometimes the act itself of writing down past trauma allows you to face it more fully and release the negative feelings associated with the event. The journaling process can be a short-term program used solely for working on a specific trauma. If you keep a short-term journal, you may wish to burn or destroy it at the end of the process as a symbolic realization of your freedom from trauma. If you enjoy journaling, you may wish to continue keeping a written record of your thoughts and feelings. Many people keep daily or weekly journals their entire lives. Journaling is an excellent form of self communication that can benefit you whether or not you’ve experienced trauma in your life.

There are many different formats your journal can take. Following are some of the most common, but feel free to come up with your own journaling style to suit your specific needs:

1. • Freeform thought. Freeform writing is a technique used by many authors and aspiring authors to jumpstart creativity. Keeping a freeform journal is a good way to uncover thoughts you may be hiding even from yourself, and for beginners it’s an excellent starting point. The instructions for writing freeform are simple: just sit down with your journal and writing implement of choice, and start writing. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or even coherence. Simply write down whatever comes to mind. Try to do this for at least five minutes to give your mental engines time to warm up. If you don’t feel like stopping after five minutes, just keep writing. Daily freeform writing is one of the most therapeutic practices available.
2. • Memory release. This technique is most beneficial for short-term journaling, particularly if you intend to destroy the journal in a symbolic manner when you’re finished. Memory release journaling is exactly what it sounds like: you merely write down your memories of trauma and any feelings associated with them, and then release those negative feelings. Imagine that they are now on paper, and therefore no longer in your heart or mind. For this reason, it is more effective to destroy the journal when you are finished with it.
3. • Dear Jerk letters. If a specific person or group of people, living or dead, was responsible for the trauma in your life, writing a letter or series of letters to them can be helpful in transcending your trauma. You will probably never send them the letters, but putting down in physical form what you would say to them if you could is immensely satisfying on a personal level. You can address the letters to their names, or give them creative nicknames (Dear Jerk, Dear Friend-Stealer, Dear Scum of the Earth) to protect your privacy and add more kick to your scathing monologues.
4. • Story-form therapy. Some traumas are too fresh or too painful to relive fully. In these cases, writing a fictionalized account of the experience can be helpful in releasing negative emotions. You can change the names, locations, ages, or even genders of the participants in your personal trauma to give yourself a more objective view of the situation and assist you in coping or finding closure. Creating alternate versions of the situation helps to displace bad feelings. You can even write yourself a happy ending, or give your fictional self victory over your oppressor.
5. Pictorial journals. You may feel words are inadequate to convey your traumatic emotions. If this is the case, you might consider drawing a journal instead. Just as you don’t have to be a good writer to keep a journal, you don’t have to be a good artist to draw one. Use whatever form you feel comfortable with, whether it is stick figures, abstract scribbling, or fully detailed rendering. The only important step in journaling is to get something concrete down on paper, and no one but you will ever have to look at it.

Choosing the right journal can be just as important as what you place inside it. The human mind is a powerful thing, and our thoughts and perceptions have an incredible influence on our actions. Here are a few tips on choosing an appropriate journal for your self-guided therapy:

1. The size, layout, look and feel of your journal should be symbolic, either of your intentions or your personality. Take your time in picking out a journal you enjoy looking at and holding. Give yourself permission to spend a little more than you usually would, and avoid bargains or sales (unless the one on sale is exactly what you’re looking for). Attaching a slightly higher dollar value to your journal than what you might pay for something like a typical school-grade spiral notebook gives the importance of your journal a mental boost, and helps remind you that what you put inside it is important to you. If you don’t want anyone else to read your journal, no matter what, invest in one with a lock.
2. • Choose a writing implement that you will use specifically for your journal. With the exception of a pictorial journal, pencil is the poorest medium to use, as it conveys the sense of a temporary state that can be changed with a pass of the eraser. Pen or marker are the best choices. You should write with the medium you feel most comfortable in, that benefits you in a symbolic or significant way. You can choose an ink color you like, buy a set of glitter pens, pick up a novelty pen, or even get an old-fashioned quill pen- they are available in ballpoint versions or traditional chisel-point and inkwell styles. Be sure to only use the writing implement you choose for your journal, and not for grocery lists or jotting down phone numbers.
3. Find a home for your journal and keep it there unless you’re writing in it. Establishing a permanent place for your journal- under the bed, on the top shelf in the closet, in a dresser drawer, on your nightstand- is an important step in your journaling routine. This helps to reinforce permanence and form new habits (and eliminates the possibility of losing your journal).

Meditation: Connecting Above Pain

Meditation is a time-honored relaxation technique that has been used successfully in Eastern cultures for centuries to alleviate stress and focus the mind. This technique has recently gained popularity in the United States as millions of people discover both the physical and mental health benefits of meditation, while realizing that it’s not as difficult as it sounds.



In trauma applications, meditation can help you rebuild the energy your negative emotions zap and learn to cope with the difficulties associated with trauma. Meditation is one of the easiest and most inexpensive forms of self-therapy: all you need is yourself and a quiet room.

There are several variations of meditation you can perform. You should choose the steps or combination of steps you’re most comfortable with and use them on a regular basis. Following are a just a few of the hundreds of meditation forms in existence; or you can combine elements of different meditation programs to create your own unique method.

NOTE: In all methods of meditation, the object is to clear your mind of conscious thought and concentrate on simply existing in the moment.

Walking Meditation: When you perform walking meditation, you can meditate and exercise at the same time. To meditate while walking, you simply concentrate on either the feeling of your foot meeting the earth with each step, or on your breathing, which should be relaxed and natural. Achieving concentration in order to block out thought takes practice, but the natural rhythm of walking provides an excellent starting point for the beginning meditation student.

: When you perform walking meditation, you can meditate and exercise at the same time. To meditate while walking, you simply concentrate on either the feeling of your foot meeting the earth with each step, or on your breathing, which should be relaxed and natural. Achieving concentration in order to block out thought takes practice, but the natural rhythm of walking provides an excellent starting point for the beginning meditation student.

Standing Meditation: Performing standing meditation is a good way to practice proper breathing, as a standing position is conducive to correct posture and fully open airways. To practice standing meditation, stand straight and comfortably with your feet pointed forward, approximately a shoulder-length apart. Place your hands one over the other on your lower abdomen and concentrate on breathing. Take slow breaths and hold for about four seconds before releasing slowly. Proper meditation breathing is done through the nose, both in and out. Standing meditation can be performed with your eyes open or closed, according to your preference.
 
Seated Meditation: This is the most popular form of meditation. In a quiet room, be seated either in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor, or on the floor in a cross-legged position (usually Indian or Lotus). As with standing meditation, you can concentrate on breathing and slowly empty your mind of thought. Seated meditation is performed with relaxed, open eyes focused on a fixed point on the floor approximately three feet in front of you. Many practitioners of seated meditation use external stimuli for concentration (see "Meditation with External Stimulus).

Reclined Meditation: Reclined meditation is best performed just before you intend to go to sleep, as often you will find yourself falling asleep as you do it. This variant is the same as standing meditation, only lying down. The eyes are always closed with reclined meditation. This is a helpful technique for people who have trouble falling asleep.





 

Some forms of meditation are best done at the end of the day, when it won’t matter if you fall asleep.

Meditation with External Stimulus: If you cannot (or would rather not) focus on breathing, you might consider using an external stimulus to focus your thoughts for meditation. One traditional example of external stimuli is a mantra: a word or phrase that is repeated either aloud or silently throughout the meditation session. Some of the more popular meditation mantras are Buddhist or Indian in origin, such as om or aum (OHM: no English translation); om mani padme hum (OHM mah-nee pah-d-may HUNG: the jewel of the lotus); or rama (RAH-muh: chant used by Gandhi). You can also create your own mantra with a meaning significant to you or your trauma. Other external stimulus used in meditation are: candles or incense; instrumental music or recorded chants; fans or white noise machines; small fountains; or recorded nature sounds such as waterfalls, bird calls or whale songs. You can use whatever you’d like, as long as it is soothing and relaxing to you.

Join the Club: Live and Online Support Groups

You may be surprised to learn that whatever type of trauma has affected your life, there is probably a support group of people who have been through the same thing and are willing to talk about it with you. Many kinds of trauma are difficult to discuss with anyone who hasn’t had the same experience. Support groups are created with that truth in mind.

If your trauma is a common one, such as alcohol abuse, there may be a live support group that meets regularly in your area you can attend. Most churches, community organizations and local newspapers provide lists of area support groups with meeting times, locations and contact information for the coordinators of the group. If there are no live support groups in your area, you might consider forming one. You can find guidelines for forming support groups at your local library or online.

Even if the support you’re looking for is not so common, the internet has allowed people all over the world to connect and unite who might otherwise never have known anyone else like them existed. There are communities, forums and private chat groups online to cover just about every walk of life, from displaced homemakers to victims of sexual abuse to reformed ex-convicts. With careful research, you can find a supportive and friendly internet community to share your trauma with and connect on a level that would otherwise prove difficult, or even impossible, for someone who hasn’t experienced a similar event.

Drop That Horseshoe: There’s No Such Thing as Bad Luck

It’s your time – how will you spend it?

Instead of rubbing the bellies of pregnant women or hoping to find heads-up pennies lying around, why not try positive thinking? You will achieve the same results, and you won’t have to rely on discovering four-leaf clovers or avoid stepping on sidewalk cracks. Using the power of positive thinking is as simple as believing good things can and will happen to you. You don’t have to memorize a complicated set of rules or follow elaborate rituals to attract happiness and success. So toss that lucky tee shirt from high school and tap in to positive thinking today. Your bad luck sentence is officially discharged.

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